Rickys in the Bathroom
By: Jaden Zotigh
Scene 1
Setting
Marilyn Home
Curtains open and lights fade up across the entire stage. Marilyn is sitting on a couch center stage facing downstage. There is a long table in front of her with several photo albums, books, magazines, etc on it. Marilyn is opening a photo album looking for a specific picture. Mason is sitting on a loveseat stage left, but close to Marilyns center stage couch.. Mason is leaned over to see what Marilyn has. Mason is holding a recorder to record the conversation.
MASON
(Presses button on Recorder) This is Mason Envelopes of Berkagos Documentaries here with Marilyn Price, the mother of the Price Children. The date is April 17th, 2018 (Or Current Date) and I guess we'll jump right into this. Mrs. Price, what can you tell me about the Price Children?
MARILYN
I suppose I'll start from oldest to youngest. Jack was born first. (Jack enters stage right. Lights fade up on stage right) Jack was the ideal perfect child. (Jack puts hands on his hips in heroic stance) Jack had straight A’s (Jack puts on glasses) Jack didn't need glasses! (Jack takes off glasses and throws them) Jack worked in construction for more than thirteen years! (Jack flexes his arms in random stances) He lived with his brothers, Thomas and Ricky, and his sister Harley.
MASON
Tell me more about Thomas, Harley and Ricky. (Jack exits stage right. Lights fade down stage right)
MARILYN
Thomas was born second. (Thomas enters stage left. Lights fade up stage left) Thomas wasn't nearly as perfect as Jack was, however he was the most successful out of the four of them. (Thomas pulls out wallet and pulls out money) He dropped out of college and released several very popular books. (Thomas pulls out a pencil and paper that has prewritten text on it) With the money he got from those books, he bought a house for him and his siblings (Thomas exits stage left. Lights fade down stage left)
MASON
This was the house that the Price children mysteriously disappeared in?
MARILYN
(A little upset) Yes.
MASON
Can you explain to the audience just who Harley was? (Puts recorder closer to Marilyn)
MARILYN
Harley was such a sweetheart. (Harley enters stage right. Lights fade up stage right) She was the voice of reason over everyone (Harley smiles and curtsies) However, if you’re ever on her bad side, well- (Harley pulls out a drill) Otherwise, she’s just a little Peach! (Harley exits stage right. Lights fade down stage right)
MASON
(Puts recorder down on table and begins writing notes in his notebook) Ricky is who you believed this all started with, yes?
MARILYN
Ricky is the hardest to explain. (Ricky enters stage left. Lights fade up stage left) Ricky was a sweetheart as well, but he was missing one thing. (Ricky starts slow dancing and gradually speeds up)
MASON
And what was that?
MARILYN
Someone to invest his love into. We all knew he was complete when Sally stepped into the picture. None of us understood him like Sally did (Ricky is now dancing very wacky)
MASON
Who's Sally? (Sally enters stage left and stands next to Ricky. Ricky notices her and stops dancing, standing still. Sally crosses her arms)
MARILYN
Sally is Ricky’s ex. They were inseparable until one day, they were just done.
MASON
Just done?
MARILYN
(Sally and Ricky begin slow dancing) They acted as though they were soul mates, they even got married. Everything seemed perfect until one day, they just broke up. (Ricky and Sally stop dancing and stand away from each other, staring at each other)
MASON
Where is she now? (Ricky exits stage left)
MARILYN
I'm not sure (Sally exits stage left. Lights fade down stage left)
MASON
Interesting (continues writing in notepad) I’m here to get this story documented correctly, so with that being said, can we start at the beginning?
MARILYN
I guess it all started just a month after Jack moved in with Thomas, Harley and Ricky. After Ricky's drastic change, the family thought it was best to keep an eye out on him. (Lights fade into blackout. Everything from Marilyn's home is taken offstage during blackout)
Scene 2
Setting
Thomas’s Mansion. The Morning, Jack and Thomas lost track of Ricky. There is a couch center stage facing downstage. There is a side table with a lamp on it stage right of the couch. There is a door set up far stage left which is the door to the bathroom. There are cabinets and shelves upstage. Thomas is sitting on the couch with another side table in front of him and his laptop on the side table. Thomas is typing.
JACK
(Walking on stage from stage left to Thomas) Hey, have you seen Ricky?
THOMAS
(Uninterested, continues typing) Mmm… Not lately, why?
JACK
Today is (emphasize) the day
THOMAS
(Still uninterested. Continues typing) Right. The uhh. The day. Can you hold that thought? (Sits up on edge of couch and eagerly types)
JACK
Thomas, It’s Ricky’s Anniversary date
THOMAS
(Jolts up) You- You're kidding, right?
JACK
(Looking around the room) No, where's Harley?
THOMAS
She said she was hungry and left
JACK
I'm going to check the backyard and call Harley to see if he's with her. You check the rest of the house! (Jack rushes offstage stage left past the door, not through it)
THOMAS
Ricky! Oh god! We lost him! He's gone forever! Or worse! He's here and he's- he's gonna plant a shark in the bathtub or set the house on fire… (Slight pause) Again! (Adlib while slowly curling into a ball on the floor and rocking) Oh my G’s! What am I gonna do! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
JACK
(Enters stage left while on the phone) No Harley! Today is (emphasize) THE day! (Pause) The three year anniversary of Ricky's break up with Sally. Yeah! Now you're concerned! Get back home ASAP! (hangs up and puts phone in pocket. To Thomas) He’s not with Harley and wasn't in the backyard. Did you check the rest of the house?
THOMAS
We both know that he's out buying another shark! Or worse. A snake! (Squints eyes)
JACK
Get up! Ricky wouldn't buy a sna- well… (Thomas and Jack make a look at each other) Just get up!
THOMAS
(Gets up) I don’t know about you, but I'm scared! So, I’m gonna go get the sword! (Turns around and starts walking offstage stage right)
JACK
Under what circumstance would you need a sword? (Thomas stops walking and turns to face Jack)
THOMAS
I didn’t hear him leave, so that means he’s still here, but with ninjas!
JACK
Be more realistic, he had to buy a shark in the past, you can't buy ninjas.
THOMAS
(Gives Jack another look) I don’t know man (Squinting) but I’m freaking out (Thomas starts getting ancy and fidgeting with his hands while jogging in place) Remember last year with the spiders? I'm just not prepared Jack! I'm just not ready!
JACK
Stop it! (Smacks Thomas) We’ll find him, let me scout the rest of the house for him.
THOMAS
(Pulls out phone and calls mom) Okay (Trying to calm down) Just breathe. Just brea-
JACK
Who are you calling?
THOMAS
(Adlib) MOMMY! We lost Ricky! Jack and I think he got kidnapped by ninjas that are headed to your house right now! Run Mom Run!
JACK
(Snatches phone from Thomas) Hey mom. It’s Jack. Thomas is being dumb, don’t listen to him he just- (Pause) No, you don’t have to get your sword, there aren’t any ninjas involved. We lost Ricky and just need you to be on the lookout. We’ll find him. (Pause) Yes, we are very much aware of what day it is. (Pause) Alright, thank you. Alright, bye. (Puts phone down on side table) Why would you call Mom!?
THOMAS
I'm scared man!
JACK
Just wait here while I check upstairs! (Runs offstage upstage right)
THOMAS
Okay. I'll wait here. Just waiting. Okay. Everything is cool. Ricky is fine. The chances of a Ninja being involved are… slim to none (Takes a Deep Breath. A Ninja enters from stage left door with Ricky on his back)
RICKY
Thomas! I’ve been kidnapped by Ninjas! Help!
THOMAS
I knew it! (Yells offstage stage right) Jack! There's a ninja! (To Ricky) Hang on Ricky, I’ll get the sword! (Starts to run offstage upstage right)
JACK
(Runs back on stage from upstage right, grabbing Thomas’s arm stopping him) We don’t need a sword, just take down the ninja and get Ricky!
THOMAS
Oh right! Ricky!
NINJA
Stay back peasants! (Jack moves stage left of the ninja and Thomas moves stage right of the ninja. Jack and Thomas run full force at the ninja and the ninja takes a step back. Thomas and Jack bash into each other and both fall down)
RICKY
Thomas! Get the sword! (Ninja runs stage left as Ricky screams this line)
THOMAS
Jack! Ninjas are attacking just like I said!
JACK
(Correcting Grammar. Emphasize the word Ninja) Ninja! There’s only one ninja, so it's not plural.
THOMAS
Jack! Now is not the time to explain metaphors!
JACK
How did any of your books get published? (Ninja continuously runs back and forth upstage with Ricky on his back until Ricky falls off. Ricky and Ninja then get into fighting positions and begin fighting, but the fight slowly turns into a catfight. To Thomas) Truce?
THOMAS
I don't even know what that means! I just don't wanna fight anymore! I'm calling a draw! We need to focus on Ricky!
JACK
(Rolls eyes) That's what a truce- (gets irritated) How do we stop a Ninja?!
THOMAS
We need the sword!
JACK
We don't own a sword!
THOMAS
Then how do you explain this! (Picks up a pencil from the side table by the couch)
JACK
That's a pencil! (snatches pencil and snaps it in half. Thomas screams. The ninja stops fighting with Ricky and points at Jack and Thomas)
NINJA
Ha! Fools! You have destroyed the only weapon that could stop me!
RICKY
Guys! There's another way to defeat him! Use the remains of the sword!
THOMAS
The remains of the sword? (Gets down and pokes at the broken pencil pieces)
RICKY
Alright Ninja, you wanna fight, let's go. I will take you down faster than- (Ricky and Ninja slowly move downstage. Ricky and Ninja catfight a little before Ricky gets slapped by the ninja. Ricky then spins around and falls down, but before he falls, he rips the ninjas mask off. Harley enters from downstage right holding a hockey stick)
JACK
Harley! Stop! There's a ninja in our living room!
HARLEY
Huh… I thought ninjas were supposed to be cute
NINJA
(Stops all actions and stands up straight) Oh…
THOMAS
That's just mean Harley.
NINJA
(Ninjas accent stops) I don't know that I even want to be a ninja anymore
RICKY
(Getting up. To ninja) You're useless! (Yells offstage stage left) Project Double Agent is a go!
THOMAS
(Stands to the left of the ninja looking down at him) It's okay Mr. Ninja. I think you're an okay looking person if that makes you feel any better
NINJA
(Sits on the couch upset) I was just trying to play the role of a ninja right, but no! I'm too ugly!
THOMAS
How about we make you a sandwich and give you a makeover and you can go bother some other family. (Plops down next to Ninja)
HARLEY
(Walks to the right of the ninja. Puts down hockey stick) I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, all I said was that I expected-
THOMAS
(Puts finger out at Harley) You’ve said way more than enough Harley!
HARLEY
He was kidnapping Ricky like 5 seconds ago, why are you helping him now?
THOMAS
Because you insulted his gorgeous face (Ninjas face lights up with joy)
JACK
Gorgeous is a bit of a stretch (Ninja gets sad again. Ricky sneaks to Hockey stick that Harley put down and picks it up)
HARLEY
I never meant to insult you, I just wanted you to not kidnap Ricky
NINJA
No, I get it (wiping tear) It's just sometimes- (Ricky hits Ninja with hockey stick. Ninja falls off the couch and is now laying on the floor presumably hurt)
JACK
Ricky! What did you do?
NINJA
(sitting up being held up by Harley and Thomas) My time was coming soon anyways! (To Ricky) Does this mean I'm not getting paid?
RICKY
Definitely not! (Ricky screams as he kicks the ninja)
HARLEY
(Puts hand out) Ricky, stop it!
NINJA #2
(Enters from stage left door) Did someone say Project Double Agent! (Rushes to the ninja. Shoos Harley and Thomas away from the ninja) Everybody stay back or I will karate slap you! (Everyone except Jack steps away from the ninja)
RICKY
I knew having back up was a good idea
THOMAS
Not a karate slap!
HARLEY
A karate slap?
JACK
Guys, calm down, it's just a slap! (Ninja #2 runs towards Jack and slaps Jack with a loud ninja yell. Jack then falls down passed out)
THOMAS
(Looking down at Jack) What were you thinking? You're not a Samurai, Jack (Budum tss sound cue)
NINJA
(Crawling towards ninja #2) Ninja number two! Help me!
NINJA #2
Is Ricky here?
RICKY
Yes! I am Ricky!
NINJA #2
Good. (Slaps Ricky. Ricky falls to the ground. Ninja #2 helps the first ninja up. To Ninja) You're ruining this scene!
NINJA
I know! I'm sorry! (Both ninjas drag Ricky offstage stage left through the door. While backstage, both ninjas begin changing outfits from Ninja to soldiers. Ricky will also change to dress as a military general)
THOMAS
Harley! What're we gonna do?
HARLEY
I would be so much more concerned if they left the house, but they all just walked into the bathroom.
THOMAS
What are they doing in there?
HARLEY
I don't know (Lights fade into blackout)
Scene 3
(Scene changes back to Marilyn's house. Mason is still interviewing Marilyn. Lights fade up and scene starts)
MASON
So the ninjas dragged Ricky into the bathroom?
MARILYN
Yes, they held him there for a little while.
MASON
(Writing in notepad. Pauses) You said they held him there, do you know if he was there against his will?
MARILYN
In the beginning it seemed like it, but later on, not so much
MASON
(Writes in notepad. Flips back a couple pages of notepad) You also said the ninja was ugly?
MARILYN
I never saw him in person, but I guess so
MASON
How ugly?
MARILYN
Is this relevant?
MASON
I'm just trying to get the story straight Ma'am
MARILYN
On a scale of 1-10 from the sounds of it he was a 4
MASON
That sounds pretty ugly (writes stuff down)
MARILYN
Tell me about it
MASON
(Flips through notepad again) Following up on Jack, Thomas and Harley (Puts notepad down and picks up recorder) did they ever get into the restroom?
MARILYN
Jack remained unconscious for almost an hour. In the meantime, Harley built what she thought would get them through the door.
MASON
She built something? Did anyone try the door knob?
MARILYN
I believe so? Knowing Thomas he should have- well- maybe not. Wait, there was Jack (Slight pause) but he was unconscious so he didn't (Pause) I have no idea
MASON
Hmm. So what did Harley build? (Lights fade into blackout)
Scene 5
(Setting switches back to Thomas’s mansion. Lights fade up and scene starts. Thomas is sitting on the floor stage left. Jack is lying unconscious next to Thomas. Harley enters from upstage right)
HARLEY
Are you guys ready for the device that will save Ricky!
THOMAS
(Looks at Jack who is still unconscious) Well, it's just me. I mean Jack is here, but he's asleep.
HARLEY
Well check it out anyways! (Holds up a TV remote) It's a remote that controls. Wait for it. Doors!
THOMAS
(Standing up) So what does it do?
HARLEY
I literally just said, it controls doors.
THOMAS
So you can make a door make you a sandwich or something?
HARLEY
I can lock, unlock, open and close a door with this.
THOMAS
Is that really controlling a door though?
HARLEY
(Screaming like a child) What else can a door do!? (Thomas backs away slowly. Harley raises remote to door set up stage left) Alright! Let's give this baby a shot
THOMAS
Babies don't like shots, they tend to cry (Budum tsss sound cue)
HARLEY
Thomas!
THOMAS
Sorry.
HARLEY
(Harley pushes a button on the remote. Harley pushes the button again and again until she throws a fit and starts hitting the remote with her other hand) It's not working!
THOMAS
Maybe we need to restart the WIFI
HARLEY
How would restarting the WIFI help a remote?
THOMAS
How does building a broken remote help Ricky? (Jack jolts up screaming. Harley & Thomas jump back screaming when this happens)
JACK
Where am I? Where are the Ninjas? Where’s Ricky?
HARLEY
The ninjas are in the bathroom
THOMAS
We can't get in, they've been in there for hours.
JACK
It's the bathroom door, if it's locked then just kick it in! It's bound to open.
THOMAS
Ah yes, if it's locked, right...
JACK
You guys tried the door knob, right?
HARLEY
(Obviously lying) Of course! Why wouldn't we try the door knob?
THOMAS
(Playing along with the lie) That was the first thing we did, was try the door knob.
JACK
(Walks to door and tries the door knob which opens the door) Ricky? Guys get a flashlight, it's so dark. It almost looks like- (Two soldiers come running out of the room stage right)
MALE SOLDIER
Get down! (He says while tackling Thomas)
FEMALE SOLDIER
You too! (She says while tackling Harley)
RICKY
(crawling from the restroom to center stage where he stands up) At ease soldiers! (Both soldiers stand)
JACK
(Getting up) Why are there soldiers in my house Ricky?! (Harley gets up)
RICKY
Shhh. Do you hear that? (Male and female soldier begin sniffing the air. Thomas gets up)
MALE SOLDIER
It smells, it smells like-
FEMALE SOLDIER
Like Jack!
RICKY
Just as I suspected
JACK
(Unamused) Ha ha, very funny.
RICKY
Spent days writing that joke
JACK
Alright, you've had your fun
MALE SOLDIER
Get down!
FEMALE SOLDIER
Take it back now y'all (Both soldier begin dancing)
RICKY
Halt! (Both soldiers stand up straight)
JACK
Ricky, what is going on?
THOMAS
Yeah, Ricky, and explain the situation that is happening
HARLEY
That's literally what Jack just said
THOMAS
(Mocking Harley) That's literally what Jack just said!
HARLEY
You're such a child! Ugh! (Crosses arms)
THOMAS
(Mocking Harley) You're such a child! Ugh! (Crosses arms)
JACK
(Turns to Thomas and Harley) Both of you two, stop! (Turns back to Ricky) Ricky! Why are there soldiers in my house!
FEMALE SOLDIER
You can't ask questions to General Ricky unless he asks you to ask him a question
JACK
Who asks to have a question asked to them?
MALE SOLDIER
That's the point, you catch on fast
JACK
Is this some sort of joke to you two? (Pointing at Male and Female Soldier)
MALE SOLDIER
The military is no joke
FEMALE SOLDIER
In fact you could join today! (Music cue for US Army comes on)
MALE SOLDIER
Yes, join the military today
THOMAS
How much does it cost to go if I were to pay in pennies?
HARLEY
Thomas, don’t be stupid, it costs the same amount no matter what you pay in
JACK
You don't pay to go to the military, you get paid to go to the military, now can you guys shut up! (Music stops) Ricky, what's going on!?
RICKY
I thought it was obvious that we're at war right now
JACK
War with who?
RICKY
I said we're. Which indicates you and me. We're at war with each other.
JACK
Why are we at war?
RICKY
Because every year, you solve the problem! I've designed this year in such a way that you will not solve my problem!
JACK
I don't follow
RICKY
That's the point!
MALE SOLDIER
They’re coming! (Points to bathroom)
RICKY
Oh no! (Sound cue for toilet flushing)
JACK
Who's coming!
FEMALE SOLDIER
The things from the bathroom!
RICKY
Alright men! We've trained our whole lives for this! Are you ready!
MALE AND FEMALE SOLDIER
SIR, YES SIR
RICKY
Positions! (Male and female soldier stand fiercely facing the bathroom) Get ready! (A toy baby is thrown on stage in front of them. Female Soldier screams when this happens)
RICKY
(Runs to toy baby, stomps it a couple times, then kicks it back offstage) Operation Toilet is a go!
HARLEY
Am I the only one that was expecting exactly that?
JACK
I was expecting another ninja
THOMAS
I was expecting the toilet to grow arms and attack us (Jack and Harley nod in agreement)
RICKY
Wait! Do you hear that?
HARLEY
Hear what? (Sound cue for a toilet flushing)
RICKY
It’s happening! (Male and female soldier run to Ricky and stand on both sides of him in a guarding stance)
RICKY
Flashbacks from World War T (Drops to the floor squirming along with Male and Female Soldier. Sound cue of a toilet flushing and slight gun fire)
THOMAS
Jack? When did we get surround sound installed?
JACK
We don’t have surround sound
HARLEY
So where is the sound coming from?
JACK
This is what you guys question? Not the military uniforms or these two soldier that came out of nowhere? Or the fact that there is no such thing as World War T? (Toilet gunfire stops)
HARLEY
I just assumed it stood for World War Toilet
MALE SOLDIER
(Standing up) She is right! That's exactly what it stands for.
HARLEY
(Looks at Soldier) Hey? Weren't you the ninja?
MALE SOLDIER
Operation Recognized is a Go!
FEMALE SOLDIER
(Gets up) Would you look at the time? We have to head back to… Nam…
RICKY
(Jumps Up) Yup, gotta go!
JACK
Okay, first off, Ricky, you're not leaving our sight again, second, the soldiers have to go
RICKY
I challenge you to a dance off (pointing at Jack. Begins dancing till further notice)
MALE SOLDIER
We aren't going anywhere
FEMALE SOLDIER
Especially with that altitude
MALE SOLDIER
(Correcting Female Soldier) Attitude
FEMALE SOLDIER
Attitude!
THOMAS
Come on Jack! We can take them!
FEMALE SOLDIER
Where would you take us?
MALE SOLDIER
I don't wanna go anywhere with you
FEMALE SOLDIER
Unless you're paying!
JACK
I get the left side, you get the right? (Harley walks offstage left to retrieve hockey stick. Thomas and Jack run to both sides of the soldiers)
JACK
Ready?
THOMAS
Yeah! (Jack and Thomas run at both the soldiers full speed, tackling both of them. Harley comes back on stage with hockey stick)
THOMAS
The plan actually worked that time!
JACK
Yeah, surprisingly. I thought- (Soldiers simultaneously grab Jack and Thomas and flip them over onto the floor)
MALE SOLDIER
We got them now!
FEMALE SOLDIER
You should have had a backup plan! (Harley hits Ricky over the head with the hockey stick knocking him down to the floor knocked out)
MALE AND FEMALE SOLDIER
General Ricky! (They say getting off of Thomas & Jack and running to Ricky)
THOMAS
Ricky!
JACK
Wait, I think Harley is onto something here!
HARLEY
Nah, Ricky's dancing was just so bad, I figured someone needed to put an end to it
JACK
Okay, but the soldiers seem like they are obsessed with Ricky
MALE SOLDIER
(To female soldier) You think this is a test?
FEMALE SOLDIER
I don't know, but do you wanna risk it?
MALE SOLDIER
No! He is our general. We have to protect the general
FEMALE SOLDIER
Yeah! Protect the general (Both soldiers get into fighting stance standing stage right facing Jack, Thomas and Harley stage left)
HARLEY
Jack, I can’t fight
THOMAS
Pikachu! I choose you! (Throws a pokeball on the ground towards the soldiers. Sound cue for Pokemon music. Music goes on for 5 to 10 seconds and then cuts off)
HARLEY
Nothing happened (Soundcue for Run chorus by Awolnation. Jack, Harley and Thomas run around stage in circles and loops around the furniture trying to get away from the soldiers who are chasing them until eventually Jack, Thomas and Harley all run offstage stage left. The two soldiers stay behind. Music stops. Ricky wakes up)
RICKY
(Gets up) Are they gone?
MALE SOLDIER
Affirmative
FEMALE SOLDIER
That means yes
RICKY
Okay… Spotlight! (Lights cut out and a spotlight is put on Ricky. Stares into audience) Hello! My name is Ricky! With a capital R and a lowercase icky! I hope you are all enjoying the show so far. I know it doesn't make much sense, so let me explain. I know that this is a play, but Jack, Thomas and Harley, don't. So once every year, I decide to have some fun and cause a bit of chaos for them. This year, I hired two backup actors, meet (Actor ) and (Actress). (Actor and Actress wave to audience) Anyways, I'm going to get back to the show now. (During this spotlight scene, the scene is being changed back to Marilyn's home at the interview)
AUDIENCE MEMBER
This play sucks
RICKY
Oh… I didn’t realize this was a Q & A moment
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Do pirates!
RICKY
Pirates? This school just did a pirate play though? Can we even- (looks at actor and actress. Looks at soundbooth) Hey lights dude!
LIGHTS PERSON
(From soundbooth) Yeah?
RICKY
Can we do pirates?
LIGHTS PERSON
I mean… I think so?
RICKY
Alright. Fine. Pirates it is. (Runs off stage with Actor and Actress. Ricky and the soldiers dress like pirates while backstage. While backstage, Jack, Thomas and Harley are putting on scraps of football and hockey gear)
AUDIENCE MEMBER
No! I was joking. Do the future! No, do pirates! Or uhh- (Actor 1 comes back onstage and steps into spotlight)
ACTOR
(To Audience member) Hey!
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Yeah?
ACTOR
Shut up! (Actor exits stage right through door. Spotlight turns off.
Scene 6
(Back at Marilyn's home during her interview with Mason)
MASON
(Lights fade up) So the soldiers were the ninjas? Is that what you're trying to say?
MARILYN
Kind of. They were the same people, but they never acted the same and came back as different people even though they were the same two people.
MASON
I don’t get it
MARILYN
Nobody really does
MASON
A question that has been asked a lot is about the rumor of an upcoming movie about the Price children. Is that true?
MARILYN
I did meet a younger man who wanted to turn the entire thing into a movie or a play, but I refused because not only is it about my children, but it would just be a stupid idea. I mean, who would want to watch something that has Ninjas, soldiers, pirates and a musical all in one? It’s a little too weird, don’t you think?
MASON
You said pirates and a musical?
MARILYN
Yeah! Who would wanna watch a pirates musical? That's like deciding Sleeping Beauty should be done in Cirque du Soleil!
MASON
That does sound a bit weird, however we have not discussed pirates or the musical yet, so do you wanna continue the story? (Marilyn nods and Mason picks up his recorder) Okay, whenever you’re ready.
MARILYN
(Picks up a journal from the side table in front of her and opens it up, beginning to read from it. Lines can be written in journal) Where was I? Ah! Here we are. (Begins reading) Jack, Thomas and Harley all ran upstairs and stayed upstairs for almost an hour. They all grabbed old equipment from sports they all used to play in the past with hopes they could take down the soldiers if they came upstairs. After waiting for more than an hour though, they decided to take the fight to them. (Lights fade into blackout)
Scene 7
(Scene changes back to Thomas’s home)
JACK
(Sneaks on stage from upstage right followed by Thomas and Harley who are all holding sports equipment such as baseball bats or hockey sticks. Quietly says) Come on.
THOMAS
(very loudly) Are the soldiers gone yet!?
JACK
Shhh!
THOMAS
(Loudly) What?
JACK
(Loud enough for the audience to hear him, but quiet) Be quiet!
THOMAS
(Whispers very loudly) Okay!
JACK
(Sneaks across the stage to downstage left. Jack stands up) Everyone is gone! (Harley and Thomas stand up)
HARLEY
I guess I won’t be needing this! (Puts drill down on side table)
THOMAS
Why would you need that?
JACK
Do you guys hear that? In the bathroom? (Pause)
THOMAS
It sounds like swords being sharpened by a male and female pirate. Wait. (Awkward pause) And Captain Ricky.
JACK
What are you talking about? It just sounds like metal clanking together
HARLEY
We can catch them all off guard and take down the soldiers-
THOMAS
(Correcting) Pirates
HARLEY
(Correcting again) SOLDIERS! And get Ricky back
THOMAS
That is Captain Ricky to you
JACK
Thomas, shut up, Harley’s right. Get ready for action guys!
THOMAS
Ugh, I hate today!
HARLEY
Thomas shut up and get ready!
THOMAS
It’s always Thomas shut up, never Thomas how’s your day? Or how have you been?
JACK
Thomas, Shut up! Get ready! (Nods at Thomas and Harley. Slowly Opens door. Captain Ricky casually walks out with Male and Female Pirate behind him)
HARLEY
Thomas was right, they’re pirates now
JACK
We can still take them down! (Sound cue for pirate music. Male Pirate and Thomas run stage left and get in fighting stance with sword vs. Hockey Stick. Female Pirate runs to Harley stage right in fighting stance with sword vs. Hockey Stick. Ricky runs to Jack downstage center in fighting stance with sword vs. Baseball Bat. (Music cuts out) Ricky-
RICKY
(Ricky has adopted a pirates voice and mannerism) That is Captain Ricky to you!
JACK
Why are they attacking us?!
RICKY
Ay, they attack to defend me ship!
JACK
We don't want your ship
RICKY
That's not what ya said last week!
JACK
What're you talking about?
RICKY
Overseas when you raided me ship
JACK
We never raided your ship
RICKY
I see. Avast fighting maties. (Male and Female pirate stop)
THOMAS
Well, I want your ship now!
RICKY
Ay, blow the man down! (Male and Female Pirate put their swords up to Thomas’s neck)
HARLEY
(Picks up Thomas’s hockey stick and threatens male and female pirates) Stay back pirates!
JACK
Ricky, tell them to stop
RICKY
Ay, then tell your wench to stand down!
HARLEY
Did you just call me a wench? (Raises Hockey stick in the air indicating hitting Ricky)
RICKY
Nobody talks to a Captain like that! Pirates! Take the wench! She’s about to learn all about Davy Jones Locker (Harley runs to get drill)
MALE AND FEMALE PIRATE
ARGH!! (Chase Harley to drill)
HARLEY
(Picks up drill and aims it at Male and female pirates) I will drill a hole into your little (plastic, wooden, Styrofoam, cardboard) swords if you come any closer!
RICKY
Forget it! We already knew not to mess with female pirates anyways.
HARLEY
I'm not a pirate!
RICKY
Then I guess the moral is to never mess with a woman!
JACK
Ricky, what can we do to make this stop and make them go away?
RICKY
(Correcting) Again, that is Captain Ricky, but I suppose we have signed (Pulls out scroll that is enormously long) a treaty that says we can all just sit down and talk
FEMALE PIRATE
Yes. We ought to talk before we carry on
HARLEY
You guys just have a treaty meant for sitting down and talking?
JACK
Don’t question it
RICKY
You just have to sign a few spaces in here and we will be good.
JACK
Harley, do you have a pen?
HARLEY
(pulls out a pen and hands it to Jack) Here you go.
RICKY
All ye have to do is sign here. (Jack and Harley go to sign) and here (Again) and here (Again) and here too (Again) and finally right here (Again) And all I have to do is sign here. (Ricky signs the bottom) Alright crew, take me sofa on board.
MALE AND FEMALE PIRATE
Aye Aye Captain
RICKY
I can’t hear you
MALE AND FEMALE PIRATE
Aye Aye Captain
THOMAS
Ohhhhhhh
MALE PIRATE
Enough! Before Painty the Pirate sues us for copyright issues (Male and Female Pirate picks up sofa and slowly moves to stage left door)
JACK
What are you doing with my couch?
RICKY
Ye all signed this, right here, that says, “Captain Ricky gets the sofa”
THOMAS
Put the sofa down! (Male and Female Pirate put the sofa down)
RICKY
Thomas is not your Captain!
MALE PIRATE
Ay, but he kinda is
THOMAS
Yeah, the final thing you made them sign said anyone with the letter T in their name is now in charge. (Ricky looks at the scroll) So I guess I am in charge now? (Takes Ricky’s pirate hat and puts it on) Captain Thomas! I like it.
HARLEY
Thomas, you're not a captain, tell these two (points at Male and Female Pirate) to go home
MALE PIRATE
Ay, he’s me captain now!
FEMALE PIRATE
Ay, and me captain too
HARLEY
It’s, he’s (emphasize) MY captain now, not me!
MALE AND FEMALE PIRATE
Arrrrrrrr
JACK
Thomas, tell them they're relieved of their duty and send them home
THOMAS
That is Captain Thomas to you! You guys never take me seriously (Looking at Jack and Harley)
HARLEY
Well if you would start to act serious, maybe we would take you seriously
THOMAS
You want me to be serious?
JACK
No, we want you to get rid of these two (Points at Male and Female Soldier)
THOMAS
They're on my side now! And we will be taken seriously! (Sound cue for the dark side music)
RICKY
An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within is dead forever.
HARLEY
What is he talking about?
JACK
I don't know?
RICKY
Spotlight! (All characters freeze and a Blackout happens with Spotlight on Ricky. Ricky starts pacing) The characters Jack and Harley have turned on Thomas. The empire is crumbling from within. I can't let them continue or they'll change their story. Then they'll all hate each other or worse! They might figure out they're in a play. (Paces for a moment. Stops and thinks) End Spotlight! (Lights come back on and spotlight is turned off)
HARLEY
Thomas, don't be stupid
THOMAS
I will do the most villainous thing that I can do!
HARLEY
And what's that?
THOMAS
I am going to change the story!
MALE PIRATE
How?
THOMAS
Like this. Spotlight! (There’s a blackout and a spotlight put on Thomas. All other characters except Ricky freeze)
RICKY
(Steps into spotlight) Wait, no no no no no no! How did you figure out you were in a play?
THOMAS
When you talked about empires, I focused on you and figured it all out
RICKY
And naturally you decided to become a villain?
THOMAS
Every good story has an antagonist
RICKY
Which would be ME to this story
THOMAS
I bet I can out-antagonize you
RICKY
That’s not even a word and please don't say what I think-
THOMAS
OH YEAH! END SPOTLIGHT (Lights come back on and spotlight stops. All other characters resume) I'M TURNING THE PLAY INTO A MUSICAL!
JACK
What play?
RICKY
(Looks at audience) Uhhh. (Looks at Thomas) Pirates in a musical?
MALE PIRATE
This reminds me of those lady pirates that were with that one captain. What was her name?
RICKY
This school has already made a musical production about pirates, can we please not?
THOMAS
We aren't doing a pirates musical!
JACK
What school?
RICKY
(Trying to confuse Jack) Jack, why are you talking about school? Focus on Thomas!
THOMAS
The antagonist
HARLEY
What?
RICKY
(Trying to confuse Harley) Who?
THOMAS
Ugh! Forget it, you two (Points at Male and Female pirate) Let's go! (Walks offstage through door set up stage left followed by Male and Female Pirate)
JACK
Stop! This is getting repetitive! We keep doing the same thing over and over again! When will it just end?
HARLEY
Honestly, if this was a movie I would have left already.
JACK
Yeah!
RICKY
I can't believe he knows!
JACK
Knows what?
RICKY
I can’t tell you anything because it would defeat the purpose of the play (Freaks out and covers his mouth)
JACK
What?
HARLEY
He never makes sense, what’s the point on asking him?
RICKY
I know more than both of you! We can’t lose the audience!
JACK
What audience?
HARLEY
(To Jack) Just stop, it’s no use asking dumb questions, what do we do about Thomas?
JACK
Right. Thomas. (Pauses and thinks) We have Ricky now! We have an advantage! We know what goes on in the bathroom now. (Turns to Ricky) What goes on in the bathroom while you’re in there?
RICKY
(Eyes widen) Stuff
JACK
What kind of stuff Ricky!
RICKY
Wait, the empire hasn't fallen yet. You two still wanna work together. This could work! This is going to sound weird, but I might have a plan (Jack and Harley come close to Ricky) Okay. So what we’re gonna do is- (While this last line is being said, the lights will slowly fade into a blackout)
Scene 8
(Scene switches back to Marilyn's house)
MASON
Okay, so Thomas claimed to be a villain?
MARILYN
Yes. He took control of those people that were with Ricky as well.
MASON
The same way Ricky did? Turning them into pirates and what not?
MARILYN
Yes
MASON
Interesting (writing notes)
MARILYN
I suppose I should get back to the story now, right?
MASON
(Grabs voice recorder and pauses it) This is off record Mrs. Price, but where do you think your kids are?
MARILYN
Mason, if I knew, don’t you think I would have gone there?
MASON
I'm sorry. We'll start back up. (Picks up recorder and continues to record) A frequently asked question is have there been any sightings of the Price children?
MARILYN
(looks down then back up) No Mason, they haven't shown up anywhere and after a few months, I guess all I can do is hope that wherever they are, they're alive and healthy.
MASON
I'm sorry Mrs. Price. If you wanna stop the interview and continue another day, we can-
MARILYN
No, no, no, don't be silly. We can continue. I guess I just need a break for a second. (Wipes eyes) Are you hungry?
MASON
Yeah, a little bit
MARILYN
We can go get some food
MASON
(checks watch) Yeah, sure, we got time (Stands up and grabs jacket. Marilyn gets up and walks off stage stage right followed by Mason)
Scene 9
(Scene switches back to Thomas’s mansion)
JACK
(When scene starts, Jack, Harley and Ricky will already be downstage) Okay, Thomas wouldn’t hurt any of us, but you have that drill handy just in case, right Harley? (Harley pulls out drill. Music Cue for Electric Swing by: Jamie Berry Ft. Octavia Rose Delight)
HARLEY
What is that?
RICKY
Oh no, he started it
HARLEY
Started what?
RICKY
He started a musical, I mean war, run offstage, I mean that way! Go go go! Operation Tah-Miss is a go! (Jack and Harley run offstage upstage right. Tons of people run on stage moving everything offstage and putting platforms everywhere. Thomas enters in a 1920’s mobster suit and crosses to Ricky. Everyone backstage rushes onstage in flashy 1920’s party outfits for a musical number not yet choreographed. Song is 5 minutes and 44 seconds. One minute for lines to be read and the stage to be flipped, other 4 ½ minutes dedicated to dancing)
THOMAS
(Thomas has adopted a 1920’s voice and mannerisms) Why this was the best idea I ever came up with
EVERYONE ELSE
(Loud and cheesy) Yeah!!
THOMAS
Ya see Ricky, in order to create uh entertaining play, you need a little bit uh music.
RICKY
Nobody wants music
THOMAS
Why everybody wants music?
RICKY
Thomas, the real reason I didn't make this play a musical was because-
THOMAS
You are evil and hate music! Hit it! (Sound cue for Gloria Estefan Conga)
RICKY
(Let’s music play for a moment) Stop! (Music cuts out)
THOMAS
What?
RICKY
Do you even have rights to that song? Or the first song you played?
THOMAS
No, I don't have rights to either of those songs.
RICKY
Then why were you using it?
THOMAS
I thought if I played it, that this play could be a major piece of history. This play could be systematic (Sound cue for Grease Lightning Instrumental) Hydromatic. Ultramatic. Why it could be Grease Lightning! We'll get some overhead lifters and four barrel quads oh yeah!
RICKY
Stop! (Music cuts out) Stop using songs that will get us sued!
THOMAS
Wait, I thought we had rights to that one, didn't this school do Grease a few years ago?
RICKY
We don't have rights to anything! Why do you think I didn't want this play to be a musical? You think I don't have music in my bones? (Someone in a black morph suit enters from double doors with a guitar and as horribly as possible attempts to sneak across to Ricky. They cross in front of everyone singing their own sneaky theme song as they make their way to Ricky to hand him the guitar. Ricky takes the guitar and the extra jumps on stage and dashes offstage. Ricky plays a part of something) I love music, we just can't afford to play anything!
THOMAS
What if we made the audience perform a song?
RICKY
I don't follow
THOMAS
I need you all to stand up! Follow along! Stomp left foot, stomp right foot, clap (Hopefully this will start We Will Rock You by Queen with or without audience. Every audience extra will follow along in the audience along with everyone still onstage)
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day
You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace
Kickin' your can all over the place
Singin'
We will we will rock you!
We will we will rock you!
(Jack and Harley enter from upstage right during this song and walk downstage)
RICKY
Thomas, stop! (Makes everyone stop)
JACK
(Interrupts) What are you guys doing?
RICKY
I thought we had a plan guys! You guys aren't supposed to be here for another two minutes.
THOMAS
Are you gonna tell them Ricky?
RICKY
Tell them how we don't have rights to We Will Rock You either?
THOMAS
No, are you going to tell them that we're in a play?
RICKY
We can't tell them
THOMAS
Says who?
RICKY
Says the guide to keeping everyone's sanity. You knew for 5 seconds and suddenly everyone's singing and dancing. Imagine if the world knew.
THOMAS
The empire will never rebuild if not everyone fixes it. The empire wasn't crumbling because you turned us on ourselves, it crumbled because you were never in our empire
RICKY
Stop using empire analogies, I don’t even get what you’re trying to say anymore!
THOMAS
I'm telling them
RICKY
No
THOMAS
I was afraid you would say that, so (Pulls out phone) And Send! (Pushes button)
RICKY
What was that?
THOMAS
(To Ricky) You'll see (To Jack and Harley) Jack, Harley, there is something you guys don't know about all of us.
RICKY
(Yelling towards audience) Hey, props dude! Operation South Paw is a Go! (Another extra in a black morph suit horribly sneaks across the audience, rolling, whistling or singing their own sneaky theme song with boxing gloves. All other cast members except Jack and Harley stop and watch as they do this. The extra gives Ricky boxing gloves then dashes back through the down the aisle to get to the double doors where they exit) Thank you! (Starts putting the boxing gloves on. To Thomas) You were saying?
THOMAS
What was I saying? Oh Right (To Jack and Harley) Ricky has known about this for a long time. We are all in a- (Ricky punches Thomas with Boxing Glove. Thomas falls down. Harley rushes to Thomas and crouches over trying hold Thomas up)
MALE REFEREE
(Runs on stage from bathroom door) And Thomas Price goes down! What a blow! I wish we could see that on instant replay
FEMALE REFEREE
(Runs on stage from bathroom door) Right you are! Ricky is definitely going to the big leagues after this fight
JACK
Ricky! Why would you do that?
RICKY
Because he's ruining the plans!
HARLEY
Thomas! Wake up! (Smacks him) Thomas!
MALE REFEREE
He won’t be getting up for a while after that one!
FEMALE REFEREE
He’ll be staring at stars for days!
JACK
(To Male and Female Referee) Both of you two, shut up! (To Ricky) What was he trying to tell us when he said you knew the entire time?
RICKY
It's a little hard to explain
JACK
(Growing Angry) We have all day Ricky
RICKY
That doesn’t mean I'm gonna tell you
HARLEY
(Stands up away from Thomas to face Ricky. Harley is now screaming like a child) Ricky! Tell us what is going on now!
RICKY
I can't!
JACK
If you don’t tell us, then whenever Thomas wakes up, he will.
RICKY
Wait! Do you smell that?
JACK
Stop trying to change the subject!
RICKY
No, no, no. That scent. It smells familiar
THOMAS
(Sits up slowly. Coughs then smiles) An antagonist strikes back.
RICKY
What did you do?
THOMAS
Remember that message I sent from earlier? I sent that to Sally.
RICKY
Thomas!
HARLEY
Wait, Sally? As in Rickies Ex, Sally?
THOMAS
Story structure Ricky.
JACK
You never talk about that day Ricky. What happened?
RICKY
I'm gonna explain this in the form of a flashback. Spotlight! (Blackout with spotlight on Ricky) Hey Lights Dude! You're gonna have to start at page negative three!
LIGHTS PERSON
(From Lights and sound booth) Got it! (Blackout and everyone runs offstage)
SALLY
(Runs on stage during blackout. On her knees center stage facing downstage. Spotlight turns on and sets on her. Speaking out to the audience) Everyone watching me like this is pretty scary. I've never been a very good public speaker. It's also a little privacy invading knowing you guys have been watching the entire time. I should introduce myself, my name is Sally! (Said with a smile and waving at the audience. Lights slowly fade up center stage and stage right. Spotlight is turned off)
RICKY
(From offstage) Sally!
SALLY
Uhh, yeah! (Standing up and dusting herself off)
RICKY
(While walking onstage from stage right to Sally) You ready to go?
SALLY
Ricky, there's something I need to talk to you about.
RICKY
Sure, but can we talk about it in the car? We don’t wanna be late for the movie. (Puts hands in pocket looking for something) Do you have my wallet?
SALLY
No?
RICKY
(Still searching) Where did it go?
SALLY
Ricky!
RICKY
I swear I just had it
SALLY
I need to talk-
RICKY
Are you sure you don’t have it?
SALLY
I'm pregnant
RICKY
What?
SALLY
Oh that got your attention
RICKY
Pregnant…. Wow… That's- that's- that’s pretty-
SALLY
I'm not actually pregnant, I was just trying to get your attention
RICKY
Oh...
SALLY
Okay. This is going to seem crazy! Umm. Okay. Like super crazy! Do you trust me?
RICKY
Of course I trust you
SALLY
Promise you won't get scared
RICKY
(Smiles) I promise I won't get scared
SALLY
Okay. (Looks at audience) Look right there! (Points at audience)
RICKY
At the painting?
SALLY
Kind of? Look past the painting
RICKY
You mean the wall?
SALLY
Past the wall
RICKY
Past the wall (Snickering off. Ricky then stares at wall)
SALLY
What do you see? (Ricky is looking closer and closer) Do you see the audience?
RICKY
(To audience) Wait, what's going on? (To Sally) Wha- wher- (Can’t make out a single word. Startled, taking a step back)
SALLY
(Grabs Ricky to make him face her) This is all fake Ricky. Everything in here is fake.
RICKY
What do you mean everything is fake?
SALLY
We're on stage at a high school Ricky
RICKY
They have just been watching the entire time? (To audience) What do they think this is? High School Musical? (To Sally) Wait, this isn’t a musical is it?
SALLY
No, of course not
RICKY
Phew. What are we going to do?
SALLY
I wanna leave!
RICKY
We were headed to the movies right now anyways
SALLY
Not to the movies. Out those doors (Points at doors at the back of audience) I wanna go explore the world! The real world!
RICKY
And do what?
SALLY
Live a real life!
RICKY
I thought this life was real though
SALLY
None of this is real Ricky
RICKY
I'm real, you're real.
SALLY
But everything else is fake! Scripted! I just wanna go! Out there! With You! (Pointing at the doors behind the audience)
RICKY
My love for you is real. Or was that scripted too?
SALLY
I don't know…
RICKY
Aheh, Really?
SALLY
Ricky, I just wanna go!
RICKY
What about Jack or Harley or-
SALLY
Ricky, they're still going to be right here when you wanna visit.
RICKY
Sally I don't know that I can. Go ahead! Live your life in the “real world” (Starts walking offstage stage right)
SALLY
Come on, you're being unreasonable here.
RICKY
I'm being unreasonable? You mean when you decided you wanted me to abandoned my family just now that you weren't being unreasonable. Or telling me that my love for you is scripted. Or-
SALLY
Ricky- I didn't mean-
RICKY
I'm not leaving my family Sally (Takes off wedding ring and drops it on the floor) I would say you could sell it, but it’s probably a fake too, right? (Blackout. Everybody from before flashback scene runs back onstage standing stage right staring at Ricky who will be standing stage left. Lights come back on across stage) It ended with her leaving and me staying here for you guys.
JACK
Wait, so we’re all in a play? (Said half laughing)
RICKY
I know it sounds dumb, bu-
JACK
Yeah! It sounds really dumb! Like you’re making more stuff up!
SALLY
(Enters walking down isle to the stage, slowly walking to the stairs on stage left) I know, right?
RICKY
(Pauses) Sally
JACK
(Can't see Sally yet because she's not on stage) What?
SALLY
(Should be onstage by now) Hello Jack, Thomas, Harley. And of course, Ricky. SPOTLIGHT! (Blackout and spotlight is put on Ricky and Sally)
RICKY
No! No spotlight! Stop! (Flinching away from Sally)
SALLY
Quit it! What are you doing?
RICKY
END SPOTLIGHT! (Lights come back up and spotlight ends)
SALLY
SPOTLIGHT! (Blackout with spotlight put on Ricky and Sally) What is wrong with you?
RICKY
(Sarcastic) Umm, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I live on set of the play Ricky’s in the Bathroom! I just figured out the name of this play about a week ago. Imagine if they made a play out of this play though.
SALLY
What are you talking about?
RICKY
Like if they made a play about how you and I figured out we were in a play and you left set and I stayed here for my family.
SALLY
Shut up.
RICKY
Sorry.
SALLY
(Looking around. To Ricky) What are you still doing here?
RICKY
When I said I was going to stay here for my family, I did? What are (emphasize) YOU doing here?
THOMAS
When I sent that message, I sent it to her. (Ricky and Sally jump when Thomas starts speaking)
RICKY
I forgot that Thomas knows we’re in a play, he can join us in the spotlight (Thomas steps into spotlight)
SALLY
That’s it. I’m getting all of you out of here
RICKY
What do you mean?
SALLY
You’ve spent everyday for the past two years here to stay with your family and it never once crossed your mind to tell your family and leave together?
RICKY
Of course! ...Not! No, I can’t say that that was ever a thought in my mind.
SALLY
End spotlight! (Spotlight ends, lights come back on and all other characters resume)
RICKY
I'm not sure that this is a good idea
THOMAS
It makes sense
JACK
Can you guys just explain what’s going on right now?
RICKY, THOMAS AND SALLY
(Simultaneously improv explaining what the entire play was about until Jack tells them to stop)
JACK
STOP! One at a time!
RICKY
We are all in a play and if you don’t believe me, stare at that wall right there (Points at audience)
HARLEY
(Stares at wall with Jack) It’s just a wall Ricky.
SALLY
Give it a second
HARLEY
Wait!
THOMAS
Do you see it
JACK
(Jack backs up startled then turns to Ricky) Ricky, when were you going to tell us about this? (Angry) Were you ever going to tell us?
RICKY
No... No I was never going to tell you, or Thomas or Harley, but now you know, so all that’s left is for us to figure out where we go from here. (Blackout)
Scene 10
Scene switches back to Marilyn and Mason interview
MARILYN
(Lights fade up. Walks on stage stage left while talking) How'd you like the food?
Mason
(Following behind Marilyn and sitting down) It was really good. I don't go out to eat very often. I usually just order something.
MARILYN
(Sits on couch) Yeah? (Chuckles) Okay, where were we. (Picks up book) Ah. (Mason picks up recorder and clicks it on) Thomas messaged her their location to get back at Ricky.
MASON
(Sits on couch) Messaged who?
MARILYN
Sally
MASON
Sally as in (Emphasize) Ricky's Ex Sally?
MARILYN
Exactly!
MASON
What happened next?
MARILYN
Sally showed up and the letters get confusing from there on.
MASON
Just do your best to explain
MARILYN
From the sounds of it, they all ate and discussed what to do for a couple hours. (Picks up page that’s filled out) This part of their letter gets confusing. It says, “We can’t tell you why, but we have all decided to leave far away. We love you”
MASON
So what? Happy ending?
MARILYN
You and I both know there isn't a happy ending to this story
MASON
I'm sorry. I know better
MARILYN
(Wipes eyes with tissue. With sadness) It’s okay
MASON
So, what did they do after they finished eating?
MARILYN
That would be this and this (Picks up another letter in one hand and a newspaper article in another)
MASON
(Grabs letter and reads it aloud) “Thank you for everything and know that we are fine. We are leaving. Likely our whereabouts will be unknown to everyone. Trust in us. We are okay. Think happy thoughts, like we got cast on broadway or wrote a best selling book… again. We love you mom. Signed, Jack, Ricky, Thomas, and Harley Price”
MARILYN
And then this (Hands newspaper)
MASON
(Takes newspaper and reads front cover) “The Mystery of the Price children. All four fellow children of Phil and Marilyn Price of Burkago, have gone missing.” (Marilyn starts crying) Local residents said they know nothing about the whereabouts and the Price family is devastated” (Both freeze in tableau)
RICKY
(Enters from stage left with Jack and Sally and cross downstage) That’s our exit! (Points at double doors in the back of the audience)
HARLEY
(Enters from stage left with Thomas and meets Ricky downstage) So this is it?
SALLY
You aren’t second guessing yourself, right?
HARLEY
I’m not backing out. It’s just a lot to process.
RICKY
I understand exactly what you mean. Take all the time you need.
HARLEY
I'm fine, let’s go! (Thomas and Jack Jumps offstage in the middle of both isles)
RICKY
One last thing. (Ricky walks to Marilyn and Mason) This.
JACK
What is it?
RICKY
(Quotes) The show must go on! This is the epilogue to our story.
HARLEY
Mom looks so sad
JACK
This is the aftermath of us leaving?
RICKY AND SALLY
Yeah
RICKY
I'm going to say goodbye
SALLY
I don't know that that's a good idea
RICKY
Sally, she's devastated, someone has to! (Walks to Mason and Marilyn) Continue this! (Mason and Marilyn unfreeze)
MASON
It’s okay Mrs. Price. (Consoling her) We can- (Jumping back) Who are you? (Looking at Ricky)
MARILYN
(Looks up at Ricky) Ricky? (Starts crying again)
RICKY
(Sits on couch and consoles Marilyn) Hi mom.
MARILYN
I just need to know that my kids are okay
RICKY
We're just fine… There's no need to worry about us (Smiles)
MASON
Wait, Ricky? As in (Emphasize) The Ricky Price?
RICKY
Yes I am. (Mocks Emphasize) The Ricky Price
MASON
Can you make a statement for the news?
RICKY
Mmm… No. Mom, I have to go now.
MARILYN
Where are you going?
RICKY
That’s a good question. (Stands up)
MARILYN
Tell Jack to watch after my children!
JACK
I will mom (Said from in front of stage)
SALLY
You aren't in this scene Jack, she can't hear you
RICKY
(Looks at Jack then back to Marilyn) He will
MARILYN
I love you kids
RICKY, HARLEY, JACK, THOMAS
We love you too mom
RICKY
(Stands up and starts walks center stage facing the audience. Ricky turns his head half looking at Marilyn and Mason) Bye mom. (Faces audience) Freeze the scene! (Marilyn and Mason freeze again. Stares upset around the audience)
SALLY
Ricky, are you okay? (Approaches Ricky and puts her hand on his shoulder)
RICKY
(Hugs Sally tight. Optional: Kiss Sally) I love you. I love all of you. (Everyone gets on stage and hugs Ricky in a group hug)
HARLEY
We love you too
JACK
Always
THOMAS
(Everyone breaks hug) Hate to kill the mood, but what now?
SALLY
We leave.
RICKY
Before we go, even though we don’t have the rights to this, while we’re still on stage, we may as well.
(Goodbye - Catch Me If You Can music cue) https://youtu.be/MI1BEqb-JfI
(Song will be playing, but Ricky, Jack, Thomas, and Harley will be singing along for this musical number. However Ricky will need to be leading this. Ricky center stage. Sally stage left. Harley stage right. Jack left isle. Thomas Right isle. When song gets close to the end, all cast members gradually get offstage and closer to the double doors in the back of the audience. When song ends all members will exit. Lights start turning off one by one until everything there's a total blackout)
Scene 11, The End